The Times Are Not Uncertain

These “uncertain times” are not uncertain, because you are going to die.

You were always going to die before Covid-19 and - if and when - we beat this bloody disease that’s killed close to one hundred thousand residents of my home country alone, you will still die. That, I would argue, is the ultimate certainty. Even taxes can be evaded, though I recommend against trying. Death, unlike its man-made cousin, that requires belief in the weird-when-you-really-think-about-it idea that is money, cannot.

I don’t note these things to bum you out or inspire existential dread. There is always a substantial amount more of that going around than there should: dread. The overwhelming fear of criminal violence, be it terrorism or catching a stray bullet meant for someone else. The fear of losing it all, the market tanking and taking with it one’s life savings and/or the livelihoods of one’s family, the legacy built of decades of toil. The fear of environmental ruin, or house fires, texting drivers, cancerous tumors, unwanted pregnancy, a wanted pregnancy that turns out to be quadruplets, your dog running away, your cat eating your face after an unfortunate bout of paralysis secondary to an errant blood clot, and your crazy ex finding your new phone number after taking up tarot reading and bowhunting, et cetera.

We spend so much time in our heads pondering what could go wrong that we lose sight of the here and now, in extreme cases delving deep into complicated and nonsensical conspiracy theories to attempt to explain away the dreadfully disturbing fact that your God, my God, The Gods, The Flying Spaghetti Monster - or what-have-you - may not have a plan at all, that as Alan Moore said, “Nobody is in control. The world is rudderless.”

It’s scarier to know that the radiation towers and vapor trails are not controlling your mind. The hidden microchips aren’t corrupting your body. Homo-Sapiens have not been infiltrated by lizard imposters and, on that note, we were not the only species of human to have ever walked or sailed around this, quite spherical indeed, planet. Conspiracies of mass control require the participation of human employees, many of whom left their work ethics and company loyalty far, far behind long, long ago, because they only get two weeks of vacation and no dental.

If government work has taught me anything, it’s that most organizations grow increasingly dysfunctional with every additional member.

To be clear, if you fear death, or any of the related conditions I mentioned a few paragraphs above, that is normal. If you picture calamity and take steps to mitigate it or lessen its likelihood, that is admirable… until the preparations themselves become detrimental, such as ingesting a poisonous substance based on scientifically dubious claims that they will protect one from a deadly disease, a disease that so-called Liberals believe to be extremely lethal despite its numerical reality and so-called Conservatives believe to be perfectly safe despite the same, troubling numerical reality.

Buy the fire extinguisher. Exercise. Mix in a salad once in a while. Know where your flashlights are. Get vitamin D in your body. Have a baseball bat, hatchet or even a firearm around, if you insist on overspending for weaponry. Wear your seatbelt. Wear a mask in crowded spaces. Don’t, and I cannot stress this enough, own a Husky.

And remember that you will die.

Until then, take time in your day to be fully present in the moment, not fretting about the future or lamenting the past. You were made for hardship. You were made for survival despite terrible odds and a down-counting clock since birth. You are a member of the last surviving species of human being, one so powerful that it wiped the others out of existence and transformed the terra firma and biodiversity of every land mass it has ever set foot upon, for better or for worse.

Don’t give up yet. Fate has presented most of us with a significant challenge, and for some it might be the worst thing they have yet experienced. But how many people with seemingly idyllic lives have committed suicide either quickly, via a rope or slowly, with poisonous substances? How many of those blessed with everything have consciously thrown it all away?

You were made to survive the Bad Times, and I argue that your happiness depends on experiencing it from time to time, to fully appreciate its absence.

You, person reading this on the science fiction-turned-reality that is The Internet, you are one of the Hominidae, a primate, a great ape. You have fangs. Your nostrils flare and eyes narrow when epinephrine tells you it’s time to run or fight. You are oddly drawn to the full moon. You feel the pounding surf in your chest when you surmount a sand dune and look out to the blue horizon. Your stomach has been full of butterflies and flame when embracing or taking a mate. Your ancestors harnessed the power of fire and felled Mastodons using ingenious tools and tactics, ones no species before them had yet conceived.

Your very real footprints are now on the moon.

I’ll say it again, your footprints are on the moon, and they were made by humans who were afraid and carried on in spite of it.

Fear is a tool, just like our other emotions and senses. Use it and do not let it use you. It’s one of your many copilots, but you got the stick, Maverick.

You will die.

There’s no rush.

Until death, survive.