Game of Thrones is Nerd Football

Please let me explain; I promise it’ll make sense…

Point 1: Like the NFL, GoT is followed by a fiercely opinionated, yet no less devoted, fan base despite the fact that the show airs only into the low double digits of episodes before it is gone for basically an entire freaking year - thereby leaving a horrible gap in which I’m forced to use google to see naked people rather than just have them be part of my beloved television show. 

Point 2: People have GoT viewing parties on Sunday nights. Seriously. You can even go to bars and watch the show in the rapt company of other rapt people who don’t realize that they are fantasy nerds and think that they are above such silliness, such as yourself. And you can drink tons of beers in the company of fellow fans! Of course, inevitably one of these people will be the special kind of condescending asshole who wants to point out how the books differ from the TV show over and over until you pay a biker to lock them in the janitor’s closet. 

I suppose, one could even arrive early and pre-Game…oT, should one so desire (which you totally should). That said, it’s really only a matter of time until people tailgate outside of HBO headquarters on Sundays, which I suspect would be awesome because people would be fighting with wooden swords, wearing jaunty outfits, drinking mead and eating turkey legs right off the bone and stuff.

I think I just described Ren Faire, didn’t I? That is not awesome. That is the opposite of awesome. Forget it. We mustn’t let this happen. 

Point 3: People throw in with specific houses and boast their superiority over the rival houses in order to satisfy their intrinsic attraction to tribalism. For instance, I imagine that some people are all about the Arizona Cardinals and the Lannisters, some are all about the Vikings and the Iron Islands, and if you are a Raiders fan you are most likely a Wildling and therefor unwelcome in polite society. Come to think of it, we should build a giant ice wall to keep the Raiders out the next time they travel to London. I think it’s the only prudent option. 

That or we kidnap all of them and dump them in Lima, Peru or Braavos. Anywhere far away is fine. 

Point 4: GoT has many large men who do lots of violence to other large men. Sometimes it’s normal sword fighting stuff, par for the medieval course, really. But sometimes, the violence seems wildly inappropriate, much like when Ned Stark was beheaded by Roger Goodell and his corpse was used for Payton Manning’s head to be sewed onto so that the Broncos could win the Super Bowl again and continue to be insufferable. I think that’s how the story arch went. It was the first season and I drink.

Point 5: Boobies. There are really a lot of wonderful boobies on GoT. I don’t really know what the parallel is here with football, but I thought I’d mention it because I’m a fan. 

Point 6: South Park already hammered across the point that we do see lots of peni (I think that’s the proper plural term) on GoT. And this is definitely like the NFL, and not just because of that one time Brett Favre got busted out for sending a dong shot (brief public service announcement: only send them when asked). Where the ween definitely conjures up a strong NFL correlation is because there’s a %100 chance the owner of your favorite team is a total cock and will reward your years of fandom by screwing you, the taxpayer, out of your hard earned money so that they can have golden toilets in the luxury boxes in the new stadium they are building in Meereen (hopefully for the Raiders).

(authored in 2016 when Jon Snow was dead)